So I just came back from wccm @ PUC. I honestly didn’t want to go, only because every year I’ve been in the past left me with the feelings that I didn’t want to come back b/c of all of the drama I’ve witnessed. This year was different. This year was very spiritual. 

There are many things that I learned over the week, but one thing I learned that I’ve never thought about was the fact that Jesus tells us to love strangers. 

I experienced this overwhelming sense of compassion towards each of my family group members the first time we sat down to do icebreakers. It was a weird feeling. I kind of confessed my love for the girls at the end of the session, and I was afraid that maybe I scared them a bit. (Kind of like the concept of a boy or girl saying “I love you” on their first date)

This sense of compassion that I don’t recall experiencing before, drove me to be genuine. My specific prayer before going to cm was to be sincere and genuine about my Christianity. I can say that I was struggling with God for awhile, but I knew that I needed to show people at cm that I know that the Lord is good (in just one week!). I’ve experienced it for myself! It’s just that I haven’t given enough time to Him. I was desperate to be able to represent the joy of Christianity to whoever my family group would be. 

It can be a love from this world, but the kind of love that only God can impart is what motivated me. Where else do you get the urge to love strangers? 

I was also able to meet a new friend. She became a sister to us leaders b/c of her love for Christ. It’s amazing how you feel like you’ve been friends for a long time when the binding factor is Jesus. This connection works for people finding a mate too!

This school year, although I’m done with school, I want to be more readily available to my peers. I want to have the same kind of love that I experienced for my family group girls and express it towards people surrounding me. I can’t expect to force people into experiencing Jesus, but I can show it to them. Although I may have to sacrifice some of my personal time or my pure, comfortable laziness…the reward is a closer walk with Jesus with others.

Need prayer that this motivation does not fade.

Dude, I had a crazy good moment tonight. 

So I was watching korean-ized american idol kind of thing on youtube after I got home. I was thinking, “I should have devotions or something or maybe call Brian for our nightly prayer phone call………nahhhh~ i don’t ‘feel’ like it”. At the moment, I felt guilty for only a SPLIT second for thinking that way. I continued to watch my youtube. AND THEN…Brian calls. He wanted to pray together. I was feeling a little reluctant, but happy that God made it happen even though I wasn’t feeling it. Our prayers were genuine today. I’m pretty sure the Holy Spirit said my prayer, b/c it was one of those prayers that sounded too good/genuine for my own mouth to be saying. We realized our need for God in our lives and our spiritual decline. Brian finishes the call by saying he’s gonna read the Bible a little and then go to bed. I took that as a hint that “maybe you should read your Bible too”. I didn’t want to. But then…I was reminded that my heart’s decision after the prayer was to just take the first impulse to do the thing that God tells me to do whether I feel like it or not. That’s when it happened….I picked up a book to read and recommended it to my brother too. I told him it was a really good book (His Robe or Mine by Frank Phillips) and to let’s read it together. I started to read my chapter and the more I read it, the more it was SO freakishly relevant to what I was experiencing at that moment. In a nutshell, it says that just b/c Jesus died for us doesn’t mean we can sit back and relax. It means that we also have to die from our flesh. We have to make the commitment to surrender/believe.

Satan knows that if the Christian truly believes his old nature is really dead, his power is broken.

In order to reinforce his claim that the death experience is not real, Satan tries to get the Christian to live more and more in his feelings rather than by his faith. And so he gets the believer to fall into sin. The he turns around and blames him for falling into sin. And he uses this experience of falling as proof that the old nature is not dead. He simply uses perfectly rational reasoning an says, “If the old nature were dead, you would not have been tempted.”

At this point, it is necessary for the Christian to stop trying to reason his way through the maze of feelings he has coursing through his being. He must, in spite of feelings, believe God’s Word. 

…Feelings and faith are as distinct as the east is from the west. Faith is not dependent upon feeling. We must earnestly cry to God in faith, feelings or no feeling, and then live our prayers. Our assurance and evidence is God’s word, and after we have asked we must believe without doubting.

…We must choose to believe God in spite of our feelings. Having done this, then we must frankly admit to ourselves that we cannot control our feelings. Then flee to the Lord in prayer, admitting our inability, and thank Him for His great power and willingness to deliver us. He will deliver! The feelings will pass away and peace will reign in our heart. 

(I just told all of this to my brother (which it seemed like he wasn’t paying attention, but he claims he did) and decided to tumblr it as well out of excitement)

AH! I’ve been dealing with this whole faith vs feeling thing for such a long time. Reading this has motivated me to really step it up, but I need lots of prayers. I can’t just wait around for my feelings to meet up with my “faith” or else by that time I would’ve completely lost sight of God. I want to get out of this pit.

It’s amazing how God used me to see my own selfishness and sinfulness after a genuine prayer session. Prayer, once again, works.        

This whole situation started out with feelings of “I don’t want to” to end with “I believe.”           

     …The Lord WILL deliver!! 

I have been feeling extremely overwhelmed with wedding planning. I haven’t even done that much, but the first step is to establish the date. It’s been only the first step and I’m about ready to give up. So many circumstances to deal with and I’ve felt like it was impossible to choose a date that works…

This morning I read this from my devotionals and thought it was meant for me to hear for this specific struggle I am dealing with. I hope you can be encouraged by it (doesn’t have to be wedding planning =]) no matter what your case. 

In the end, it all comes down to “God is good!”

“Cast thy burden upon the Lord.” Psalm 55:22

We must distinguish between the burden-bearing that is right and the burden-bearing that is wrong. We ought never to bear the burden of sin or of doubt, but there are burdens placed on us by God which He does not intend to lift off, He wants us to roll them back on Him. “Cast that He hath given thee upon the Lord.” If we undertake work for God and get out of touch with Him, the sense of responsibility will be overwhelmingly crushing; but if we roll back on God that which He has put upon us, He takes away the sense of responsibility by bringing in the realization of Himself.

Many workers have gone out with high courage and fine impulses, but with no intimate fellowship with Jesus Christ, and before long they are crushed. They do not know what to do with the burden, it produces weariness, and people say — “What an embittered end to such a beginning!”

“Roll thy burden upon the Lord” —you have been bearing it all; deliberately put one end on the shoulders of God. “The government shall be upon His shoulder.” Commit to God “that He hath given thee”; not fling it off, but put it over on to Him and yourself with it, and the burden is lightened by the sense of companionship. Never disassociate yourself from the burden. 

Quoted from: My Utmost for His Highest pg.104

Is the face that I see in the mirror 
the one I want others to see 
Do I show in the way that I walk in my life 
The love that You’ve given to me 
My heart’s desire is to be like You 
In all that I do, all I am

Do they see Jesus In Me 
Do they recognize Your face 
Do I communicate Your love, and Your grace 
Do I reflect who You are 
In the way I choose to be 
Do they see Jesus In Me

It’s amazing that you’d ever use me 
But use me the way You will 
Help me to hold out a heart of 
compassionate grace 
A heart that Your spirit fills 
May I show forgiveness and mercy 
The same way You’ve shown it to me

Now I want to show all the world who You are 
The reason I live and breathe 
So You’ll be the One that they see 
When they see me

Do They See Jesus in Me - Joy Williams

So I’ve been complaining a lot this past year of all of the things that LSF has to offer. It truly has been a blessing to attend LSF and it is where I grew the most, but I came to a point this year where I saw myself endlessly complaining. I complained mostly about all of the meetings that the leaders had to attend or that I was a part in feeling judged by not attending certain meetings. I complained to other people (which was not the smartest thing b/c I set myself up as a stumbling block) that I would hate going to meetings and that the mere word “meetings” made me cringe…

Well, here’s a thought from the book again that I have been reading that has blasted me in the face. 

“When the requirements of God are accounted a burden because they cut across human inclination, we may know that the life is not a Christian life. True obedience is the outworking of a principle within. It springs from a love of righteousness, the love of the law of God. The essence of all righteousness is loyalty to our Redeemer. This will lead us to do right because it is right — because right doing is pleasing to God.”

I believe LSF and Andrews offers so many great spiritual outlets, but I guess I got so lost in everything that I came to think of it more as a burden than a joy. This quote has unraveled to me that I have lost the “principle within”. My next step in my current spiritual journey is to redefine my purposes for my ministry or even just my simple “Christian” behaviors. 

Can we say that we truly love Jesus? in all aspects of our life…I want to be able to genuinely say it without a doubt in my mind, but I can’t be real right now to say that because I know my life has not reflected the love for God. I will keep moving forward in faith nonetheless. 

I wanted to begin tumblr because I was inspired to share some insights I learned from reading a book that someone gave to me while canvassing. I just needed to share what I’ve been taught and I’ve also been very inspired by other people’s spiritual/heartfelt tumblr posts that I wanted to give back as well. 

I have been feeling a spiritual battle in my heart for so long that I do not remember when it all began. Coming to college, I learned about personal devotions and got involved in ministry. There have always been ups and downs, but for the most part, I could say that my spiritual walk was at it’s strongest for the past 4 years. During this last year, I’ve been struggling. I feel an intense battle in my heart. I am have been slipping and have realized that I have lost the true purpose in my life. (not supposed to sound depressing) Satan has been using doing his thing in my life ever so slyly. 

I’ve been fighting and fighting and I have tasted and seen that the Lord is GOOD therefore, I cannot stop fighting. I am still a work in progress from being pulled out from the spiritual ditch, but I just wanted to share some key points I learned from this book called “His Robe or Mine” which was given to me while canvassing. 

The chapter was too amazing to put into words, but here are the key points that I picked out. 

Title of the Chapter: Confidential! Top Secret Information!

1. “Satan takes control of every mind that is not decidedly under the control of the Spirit of God.” 
2. We should not continue the attempt to keep God’s law from a sense of obligation merely. We are not really being obedient and we are not experiencing the joy that was intended from true obedience. “True obedience is the outworking of a principle within. It spring from the love of righteousness, the love of the law of God.”
3. Unless our will is decidedly in Christ, Satan will take control again. We are moving against the gradient; it is not natural for us to obey God while in a sinner’s state, but the hope is found in God’s power to change our carnal nature. One thing though, there are no gray areas…it’s all for God or all for the Deceiver. It has to be a ceaseless surrender.
4. Satan uses our feelings in place of reason to guide the will. If it worked in heaven, it will work on earth. 
5. Feelings do not become nonexistent when we choose to follow God, but it is put into it’s proper place. Feelings- “They must follow the exercise of the will rather than to be the motivation for the action of the will.”
6. Lastly, we must then “say audibly to Satan, ‘I am taking my will from your control and surrendering it to Jesus.’ Then say to Jesus, ‘Please take my will for I cannot keep it.’” 

I guess this is how I saw that God was still so present in my life when I’ve been questioning why He has been so far from me. I have been the lost sheep and I kept giving my will to the devil. Now the devil’s strategy is exposed, and I have the desire to let God take my will because I don’t want anything to do with Satan. If you think about it, Satan has more of an advantage..earth is his domain, but God is so mighty that He works without taking away our freedom of choice and with the disadvantage of our sinful tendencies/nature. The fact that God has been revealed to me today, just proves His excellent power that has already conquered the devil. Praise the Lord.